I have been struggling a bit with "life" for a lack of a better term, lately. I don't write about my feelings and struggles on this blog often. I think I have a hard time putting that part of me "out there". I try to keep a positive outlook and have a hard time admitting out loud that I'm not always positive.
I have had feelings of fear and anxiety coupled with constant movement lately. I wonder sometimes do I move about from one thing to the next simply because I yearn to explore and learn or is it something else? Do I move because I am running from something or running towards something? Am I fearful of being still with my thoughts or that I will lose my "creative momentum" when I stop? I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best I can be in all areas of my life but, sometimes I wonder what all this business of being busy is for?
My house isn't organized as I would like. My children and husband aren't getting as much time with me as I would like. My family doesn't live as close as I would like. My personal goals for this year are not as complete as I would like. My artwork isn't as creative as I would like. My portfolio isn't showcasing my art and design work as I would like. And the list goes on ...
This loop of consciousness has been occurring more and more lately. And with it comes a lack of focus, a lack of care, a lack of motivation, a lack of love for myself and my life. What is my life about? I used to be so confident in myself, my goals, my life, my direction but right now it is all hazy.
I need to step back, find focus and allow myself to breathe.