7.27.2010

allow myself to breathe

I have been struggling a bit with "life" for a lack of a better term, lately. I don't write about my feelings and struggles on this blog often.  I think I have a hard time putting that part of me "out there".   I try to keep a positive outlook and have a hard time admitting out loud that I'm not always positive.

I have had feelings of fear and anxiety coupled with constant movement lately.  I wonder sometimes do I move about from one thing to the next simply because I yearn to explore and learn or is it something else?  Do I move because I am running from something or running towards something?  Am I fearful of being still with my thoughts or that I will lose my "creative momentum" when I stop?  I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best I can be in all areas of my life but, sometimes I wonder what all this business of being busy is for?

My house isn't organized as I would like.  My children and husband aren't getting as much time with me as I would like.  My family doesn't live as close as I would like. My personal goals for this year are not as complete as I would like. My artwork isn't as creative as I would like.  My portfolio isn't showcasing my art and design work as I would like. And the list goes on ...

This loop of consciousness has been occurring more and more lately.  And with it comes a lack of focus, a lack of care, a lack of motivation, a lack of love for myself and my life.  What is my life about?  I used to be so confident in myself, my goals, my life, my direction but right now it is all hazy.

I need to step back, find focus and allow myself to breathe.

4 comments:

Christine said...

Thanks for sharing Kristen. I think we all feel like this sometimes - well at least I do. Sometimes I just need to tell myself that my life and all I am doing is good enough, even though it sometimes feels like there is so much more to accomplish. I try to separate and eliminate out what I can to make time for the more important things, which to me is my husband and kids. I miss you Kristen and your positive energy!

Kristen (Creative Stash) said...

I think the need to simplify and remove things from my list is exactly what I need to do. I work myself into a place where I am overwhelmed by everything. I miss you too Christine!

Candied Fabrics said...

Yup - I've been here! We can't be everything to everybody! I'm sending you clarity vibes through the internet!

Kristen (Creative Stash) said...

Thanks for your clarity vibes Candy! Much appreciated.