Breathe |
All week I have had yoga on my mind. I have been admiring Art Asana's 2012 Yoga Pose Desk Calendar by Eliza Tobin, I have been listening to the ambient yogi sounds of Desert Dwellers, I even wrote down the word "connected" in my sketchbook this week because I was feeling so very unconnected. Deep down I have been yearning for the mind body connection I receive when practicing yoga.
When I cancelled my gym membership in August I was sad to no longer have my yoga and dance classes available to me but, I thought I would put a new self motivated routine in place. I had the highest hopes for yoga since it is something you can do anywhere with as much or as little time as you have. But I underestimated my need for having a specific class time in place and having an atmosphere that feels good to practice in. I have been saying to myself just do it already but, at the same I think ... I have other things to accomplish, it isn't quiet enough, I am not in the right head space for letting go and stretching deeply and so I wait for another "better" time.
Last night I finally gave in to my yoga mat. It wasn't the most opportune time but, I said to myself enough is enough, I need this. I pulled out my mat and started stretching while Bert watched the world series right next to me. I tuned out the tv, I breathed, I stretched and I felt great. I felt my body lighten, make space, felt my inner strength and focus arise and my stress melt away. Feeling just how stiff and tense I was during my practice awakened me to just how far I am from the flexible and centered self I was just a few months ago. In class my yoga teacher would remind us that a flexible body is a flexible mind.That saying always resonated with me and right now my body is rigid, tense and very far removed from where I want it to be. Why do I deny myself the things that make me feel so good, so peaceful, so connected, so loved? What is it inside that makes me rebel against self care?